Another 4 days, another ridiculously stupid title. Its the World Cup. Its fitba. Its happening ON YOUR DOORSTEP (if you're Brazillian and near one of the stadiums) and if not its happening ON YOUR TELEVISION. Get INVOLVED. Get ACTIVE. Get SOCIAL. Be the MEDIA.
In a slightly altered format from the previous two posts, I will be giving an overview of just THREE World Cup days, before dropping a World altering blog after the final round of group games, and all the excitement that comes wae them. Picture the scene. Two teams...playing at the same time (obviously...its a game of fitba, of course they'd be playing at the same time) but here's the kicker, in an alternative Brazilian location you have none other than TWO MORE TEAMS quite possibly from the same group as the other teams I mentioned, but they're ALSO PLAYING AT THE SAME TIME AS THE TWO TEAMS PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED. And you don't need no education to figure out that means FOUR TEAMS...ONE TIMESLOT...Lets....get....involved.
Day 9
Day...day...niiiiiiine. Went to my heeeeeead. Cause of aw the exciting fitbaw. That I was exposed toooo.
I'll start by saying Gary Lineker can get tae fuck. Simple as that. Fuck Gary Linekar, and fuck that sorry excuse for a broadcast that the BBC call "journalism", cause for the Italy vs Costa Rica game (which England needed Italy to win to stay alive in the competition) Gary Lineker was wearing an Italy top in the studio. A bit of good old fashioned fun between cringeworthy fannies eh? Nae harm in it, apart from harming the reputations of everyone involved in the decision to allow him to wear it on national tele, and oh aye...a wee bit of harm to the ENGULUND national fitba team, as the terrible karma that came wae him wearing the shirt led to Costa Rica winning 1-0. Yer fuckin OOT, and Gary Lineker wearing that top is the only reason. Be thoroughly ashamed. You fuckin utter disgraces. Costa Rica were well worth their win anaw, and go through with a game to spare, after being described as the "whipping boys" of the group before a gae was played, in yet another example of stellar BBC journalism. Fuck the BBC. Right in its taxpayer funded, poorly run, corruption ridden mouth.
Honduras and Eduador actually had a surprisingly exciting battle in the late game, with Ecuador coming from a goal down to win the game by scoring more goals than Honduras. Two for Ecuador, one for Honduras. Enner Valencia scored both goals for Ecuador, so that makes him a very proficient scorer, after his goal in the opening game. Bringing his scoring total to three. Three goals for him.
In the other game France horsed Switzerland 5-2, in a game I didnae see, cause I was sitting in a part of the pub with no television visibility, being quizzed about my non existent love life. I've still no seen the fuckin goals either, but I do know that France scored 5 of them, then Switzerland must have thought "oh that looks like a fuckin laugh!"...and they scored a couple themselves. Good on yees troops.
Day 10
Double figs mate. Day 10. Time flies when yer watching fitba eh? Day 10 was a day of heartbreak if you're Iranian, or Carlos Quieroz (their manager, who is not Iranian) or anyone who kinda likes Iran. Iranian enthusiasts we'll call them. They fellas widnae have been huge fans of Day 10. Cause it saw various Iranian guys greet at full-time, after a fucking outstanding defensive effort for 90 minutes, was undone by a wee slice of Lionel Messi magic in the 91st minute. It's a hard fuckin life eh. Lionel Messi has spent this whole tournament being told he's a bit shite, and certainly not as pure brilliant as some have made out, only for him to score two stoatin goals and pretty much single handedly carry these shoulder shrugging Argentinean cunts, who are phoning this World Cup in so far. LOOK ALIVE BOAYS. The fitba's happening RIGHT NOW. Algeria ken it. Iran ken it. Wake up and smell the noodles guys. It's for real.
Nigeria overcame Bosnia 1-0 in the other game, in a game which I didnae watch, cause me and my pal watchin Souled Out 1998 on the WWE Network instead. I wis keeping an eye on the score though, and commented to my pal that "Nigeria had taken the lead" or I think I might've said suhin like "Wan nuhin tae Nigeria" news which he met with a nod, and a knowing smile as if tae say "thanks for tellin me Marty, but I don't care"
The other game on Day 10 was a stone cold stoater. Well 45 minutes of it was, after an incredibly dull opening 45 between Germany and Ghana, they decided to have the game of the tournament so far, which was SENSATIONAL and EXCITING with shades of REAL COOL STUFF. Germany took the lead thanks to my main man Mario Gotze, only for Ghana to be lit that "nuttttt...we're two goal Ghana, here's our two goals." all of a sudden they'd scored twice, and Ayew had screamed at people a lot. Then with the time ticking down and the clock also ticking (a tick bonanza we'll call it) Miroslav Klose came on as a sub and fuckin YASSSSSSS man. He equalled Ronaldos all-time world cup finals record with his 15th world cup finals goal. Good on ye ya big timeless poaching bastard. Had a chance tae beat the record and win the game late on anaw, but he pulled his shot wide in a rare moment of pulling shots wide.
Day 11 (The end of days...containing three fitba matches)
So round 2 was rounded off with a sublime day of fitba. Pitting teams of 11, against opposition teams of a 11 in a fight to the death for points. Algeria done something bordering on amazing, when they broke out of their slump of not scoring from open play in a World Cup Finals since ages and ages ago (commentators mentioned how many years, but I cannae mind...I want tae say 28.....we'll go wae 28....28 years) tae score 4 BLOODY GOALS. 3 of them happening in the FIRST BLOODY HALF. Commentators mentioned how the South Korea coaches wid be upset cause they used to be central defenders, but so did Tony Mowbray, and he played Josh Thompson in that position for Celtic, so that disnae necessarily mean the cunts have a fuckin scooby about defending. The Koreans made a fist of it in the second half, but had that fist shoved up their own jacksie at 3-1 when Algeria broke up the park and scored a lovely goal. Nice wee 1-2 on the edge of the box, followed by a cushty wee finish. Eeeeeasy now boays.
Another one of the games on Day 11 was a festival of excitement, but that game was not Belgium vs Russia. Belgium vs Russia was fucking awful. Belgium are essentially the Argentina of Europe, in terms of having high expectations, nor performing well, and having an "e" in their name. So I'll tell these cunts the same thing I told the Argies...WAKE UP AND SMELL THE WHEETABIX BEFORE ITS TOO LATE GUYS. Belgium won thanks tae a late winner from a 19 year old fella who replaced Lukaku after about an hour. Lukaku was replaced cause it cause wasn't his day ye know? He tried hard but things just didn't come off for him, and he's also a bit shite. Belgium are through with two wins from two games despite playing shite in both, so there's another comparison you can draw to the Argies, although I'd mainly go with the "e" thing tbh.
Just when Germany and Ghana were wandering the Brazilian streets, doin the helicopter thing wae their dicks in celebration of having the official "best game of the first two rounds of games"...The USA and Portugal only went and fucked it for them didn't they! Buncha bastards so they urr. The Americans are proper fuckin intae this though, and seem to be making a mockery of the various slaggings they've had in the past for treating "soccer" like a second rate shiter of a sport (probably cause they were always fuckin pish at it) They're pretty good at it now though, and displayed that by recovering from Nanis early goal to take the lead through a fuckin thunderbolt fae Jermaine Jones, and speaking of swinging dicks, Clint Dempsey swung his towards the ball and in it fuckin went tae give them the lead wae 9 minutes left. Yer man scored wae his boaby. Certain of it. Portugal, and Ronaldo were staring elimination in the face, but wae 20 odd second left, Michael B-RAD-Ley, who had been fuckin shite up until that point, gave the ball away in the middle of the park. Shifted oot tae Ronaldo, who stuck in a fuckin perfect cross for Varela tae equalise wae the last touch of the game. Or was it the second last? Dae ye count the touch the other team have tae kick off after conceding? Aye...we'll go wae second last eh. Still exciting as fuck but. Well done tae the Portuguese for never giving up. They are the John Cena of the soccer world, and Christiano is like one of John Cena's t-shirts. Colourful, and it costs a bob for shippin! HAHA! Aw man. The best jokes are the ones that don't make sense. I've always said that.
So that's patter about no less than THREE World Cup days. If I was to sum up the first two rounds of games on the whole, I'd say they were really good. Good games.
Thank you for reading. Football is our passion. Rippling nets, placing bets and flying jets (to Brazil) is our motto. I've been Martin. This has been patter. See ye in 4 days ya ride. x
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