So I stumbled upon a format in the first yin, where I just haver about each day in the World Cup, and my thoughts and feelings on those days, so we'll stick wae that, cause I'm a simpleton and it makes my life exponentially easier. DAY 5 PATTER..COMMENCE.
Day 5
So what comes after Day 4? As my auld da used tae say "It's Day 5 son, whit else would come after it...ye stupit?" Aye Da...I am indeed, but this isnae about me or my stupidity, its about fitba. Its about Day 5 of the FIFA World Cup. Its about some GERMANS. I usually talk about Germans in a wrestling context, wae suplexes n shit. This time I'm talking about Germans in the context of footballers, cause its a fuckin football blog and that should be blatantly obvious shouldn't it? Anyway, Portugal dismantled this illusion that they are in any way a decent team by getting pumped rotten. 4-0. Tam Muller hat-trick. Cause Germany are one of the best international sides in the world at the moment, and Portugal are basically Norwich City + Ronaldo. Germany tearing through the Portuguese Canaries like a hot knife froo buttah.
In the same group we have the United States of USA and Ghana. Ghana knocked Team America out of the last World Cup, so America obviously invaded Ghana and sacrificed innocent civilians in response, before exacting fitba revenge 4 years later with this one. The USA scored through Clint Dempsey after about 8 seconds or suhin, then Ghana equalised ages later, only for America tae win it wae a goal late on that has been described in some circles as "decisive".
The other game on day 5 pitted Iran against Nigeria, and it was as good as it sounds. Efe Ambrose stuck in 15-25 terrible crosses and it of course finished 0-0. First draw of the tournament. First truly terrible game of the tournament, but it widnae be the last guys! No sir.
Day 6
Russia vs South Korea eh. Or "the late game naecunt watched" as its more commonly known. I watched the start of it, but then I got pre-occupied with doing things that aren't shite. I hear it was the hardest fought 1-1 draw you'll ever see though. On Day 6. The day where the world cup caught draw fever!
Another football match pitted Belgium in a 90 minute fight to the death against Algeria. Belgium are fancied to do well at this World Cup as dark horses or something, but in all honesty, they are Belgium, super Belgium. No one likes them. They dont care. They hate Holland. Neighbouring bastards. Fuck knows where I'm goin wae that man. This blog is seriously just n exercise in me typing the first things that come intae my demented heid, but Belgium did survive a scare, coming from a goal down to win 2-1, with goals from Dries Mertens and the guy who equalised. Cannae mind. Should I check? AWWW It was mad Fellaini. Mind when he used tae score goals n shit? That's fuckin surreal man. I forgot he used tae dae that. Good on ye big yin. Keep on fighting the good fight, ya beautiful fro bearing bastard.
The hosts Brazil took the stage again on Day 6, and strengthened their World Cup winning credentials by looking hugely unconvincing in a 0-0 draw wae Mexico. Way tae get the hearts of a nation pumpin eh! Nae ex Celtic flop Efrain Juarez in the Mexico squad btw, as he goes down as another one of the many international footballers who had their career ruined by going a night out in Partick. Some things ye just cannae unsee.
Day 7
Its been a week guys! A full 7 days of non stop soccer, and I for one am just getting intae the swing of it! Its been a thrill ride of proportions that I seriously can't wrap my tiny brain around. Honestly, its fucking sweltering in here. A fine mist emanating from my nether regions as we celebrate the one week anniversary of World Cup action! Oh boy.
There were games on Day 7, cause Brazil continually ignored my pleas to make it a national holiday in celebration of this one week milestone. So fuck it....fitbaw.
Croatia pumped Cameroon in the late game, and that pumping was very much affected by Cameroon having their best player sent off for hitting Mario Madnzukic in the back wae a Bionic Elbow. Tae me the most troubling this about this was the fact that not only did Cameroon lose their best player, the realisation set in that their best player is Alex Song. Neither situation is ideal and both situations led to them losing 4-0.
Then Spain's group took to centre stage in order to pretty much dismantle any pre concieved notions you had about the world. Chief Spain pumpers Holland were called upon to assumedly leather Australia, but were found shitein thersells when Australia came from a goal don to lead 2-1! Oh my freakin wowsers man! Australia once again put in a helluva shift though, making a mockery of their status as lowest ranked team in the tournament by proving once and for all "We're actually much better than Spain...and England anaw" The Aussies did eventually fall, thanks to Van Persie's almost instant equaliser, and the winner fae Depay. It was truly time for the Aussies De-Pay the piper (I'm so so sorry for that patter...seriously)
Then Spain looked to rectify the damage done to their reputation with the 5-1 mauling at the hands of Holland, and achieved this goal successfully by only losing 2-0 to Chile. Chile were well worth the win, and Spain were well worth their early ticket up the road. An end of an era? Probably not. They have a talent pool which allows them to leave cunts like Jesus Navas, Alvaro Negredo, Fernando Llorente and Nacho Novo at home, so they'll be awrite. Xabi Alonso might never recover from the embarrassment of giving the ball away 600040439 times in that mess of a first half though. Poor cunt. Well known for his slickness, but it aw fell apart at this feet. A nightmare scenario for a dreamboat. Sometimes life isnae fair.
Day 8 (More like Day GREAT)
I got really invested in a FIFA sesh after the England game, so I didnae actually watch Greece vs Japan. I wanted tae cause I love Sammy, and fitba's quite good generally, but lets face it, in any other circumstance unless yer from one of the countries, would you watch a Greece vs Japan match? Would you open yer curtains if they stuck it on out yer back garden? Exactly mate. It was 0-0. Of course it was.
I'm not one of they Scottish cunts who supports "Anyone but England" or that. Couldn't give a fuck about their fortunes if im honest, but its the media coverage of their campaigns that annoys me more than anything the team does. I mean look at this.
Time to bite back aye? Completely ignoring the fact that the guy Suarez bit is fae fuckin Serbia, The Sun decided to gee up a nation for a vital fitba match by photoshopping big scary teeth intae their glaikit players gubs. Try this guys. Try talking about fitba. I know it might be hard for your halfwitted, lowest common denominator, spunkrag of a tabloid, but try fuckin talking about the subject matter, instead of poisoning the masses with this garbage. I hope Suarez seen it and that fired him up to score the two stoaters that put England out. I really dae. I'm almost delighted that Rooney had a decent game and scored the equaliser, cause guess whit? NAE FUCKIN SCAPEGOAT. Cannae even blame Hodgson, cause he at least had the baws to set his team up in an attacking style. Fuck all wrong with the system. Yer players are just fucking shite. Pure and utter dung. Well some of them are awrite, but I'm on the warpath here, so fuck them. DUNG!
Colombia beat the Ivory Coat 2-1 in the other game on Day 8, and that was one of my favourite games of the tournament in a lot of ways, cause both countries have names that are fun to say, and also the game itself was good. Colombia looked home and dry at 2-0, but Gervinho scored an absolute beezer of a goal to get them back intae it. Too little too late mate.
Overall I found the 4 days after the first 4 days of the World Cup to be satisfying. Contained plenty of football so they did. Football is fuckin cool eh? Teams going at it for 90 minute spells, with point and glory up for grabs! Well done to everyone in involved in their sterling footballing efforts. Tune in next time for me summing up more of this football carry on. Every 4 days. Cause thats the format. It's been decided.
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