Nothing better than starting a new blog venture wae an incredibly long and stupid title eh. Hi guys! Here's me writing about fitba, like my opinion on the subject matters a fuck. I used to be the fitba guy. That's how people identified me in my life. "Smithy kens the fitbaw, I can talk tae him about Ashley Youngs lack of end product, or the fact that Danny Invincible isnae actually invincible" but for the past year I've poured my heart, soul and will tae Ive intae writing about and watching a fuckload of professional wrestling. Part of the reason for that was falling out of love wae the fitba a weebit, cause let's no lie to ourselves; its full of overpaid, braindead fannies who'd much rather get caught elbow deep in a hooker, singing some kind of offensive tune in a pub, or wanking aff wee dugs at a swing park, than contribute anything worthwhile tae society. I ended a 15 year stint as a Celtic season ticket holder cause I just didnae love it anymore. I'm sure I will again one day, but right now it doesen't grab me like it once did, and its no fair tae me, or the boaysies themselves if I continue to attend games, phoning it in and hating myself throughout. Separated but never divorced. I'll see ye again soon big yin. Mibbe. If we sell Leigh Griffiths then I'll consider it, cause fuck that wee pollution of a human. Anyway, there I'm away aff base. World Cup n that.
So the World Cup has undoubtedly been happening and everyone enjoying the cheap beer and hayfever that's come along with it, but spare a thought for the people of Brazil eh. Spare a thought for aw they poor beautiful hauf naked Brazillian burds, huvin tae put up wae aw the confused looking sweaty bastards fae the cauldest parts of the world, wandering about their country sweatin through their string vests and looking at every child like they're a potential pickpocket. Brazil of course opened the tournament wae a hard fought win over Croatia. I watched this game and I have to say, it was indeed fitba. Nikica Jelavic particularly impressive in completely miss-hitting his shot that led to Marcelo scoring the first (own) goal of the tournament. Before Neymar equalised wae a skiddy wee effort, and someone scored the winner. Wis it Neymar? Penalty eh. Aye I just checked there. Peno mate. Oscar rounded it off in the last minute, but let it be known that according to THIS reporter. 3-1 flattered the hosts, but ye shouldnae listen to a fuckin thing I say cause I totally forgot there was a third Brazil goal and have no recollection of it whatsoever. Oscar had a rerr game though, and he plays for Chelsea so there's TWO pieces of Oscar information tae replace the relevant one...a description of the goal n that.
Day Two
Day two also happened. Mexico battled out a hard fought 1-0 win over Cameroon, in a game which I'd describe as "on". And Chile overcame a plucky, but ultimately still shite Australia squad in a 3-1 victory in the late game. Really sterling effort from Australia after going 2-0 down early on. Vintage Tim Cahill heiderin for their goal. It was one of the heiders where ye turn tae yer pal in the pub and go "Good heider eh" and he nods in agreement. Great heiders.
The other game was something notable indeed. A 90 minute soccer match containing number one team in the galaxy, Spain...against that country wae the hookers, weed, clogs and Tommy End...The Netherlands. Spain took an early lead via a penalty, and that led to many commentators saying things like "GOOOOOOAL" or "Good penalty" . Then Holland fuckin pumped them daft. Seriously anihiliated the winners of the last 3 major tournaments. Proper kerb stomped these wanks. That kerb stomping included one of my favourite goals of all time when Van Persie scored a looping header from a long ball from one of his team-mates. That dutch guy wae the face. Holland were superb though, and could easily have had 3 or 4 more goals. Robben, Van Persie and Sneijder seem acutely aware that this is their last legit chance of winning a World Cup, so they're playing football at a level you could describe as "above average" or "good". People queried Virgil Van Dijks exclusion for the dutch squad, but on the evidence of this display I'd say there are no agendas behind it ataw, and it's infact more down to the fact that there's numerous footballers in his position who are better than him at it. See the first story about him shaggin aboot? I just glanced at it so I did. Thought tae mysel "I know that burds face" then I read on a bit and it revealed she wis in scuddy films. It aw made sense. In case yer shite at reading subtext, I'm sayin I chug a lot here. Self deprecating humour mate.
Fernando Torres likes a bit of that so he does. Missed a sitter at 5-1, cause he's a very well paid tragedy, and he should be commended for that.
Day Three
More...fuckin...fitba.
After Columbia scuddin Greeces wee erses for them (sorry Sammy, I love ye, but yees got a tanning) Neil Lennon decided it was cool tae rip the utter cunt out of Sammy, and blame him for every attorcity that's ever occurred in the past, present or future world. They also played a collection of shite crosses after the game, and everycunt spoke about how Samaras should have been on the end of them, cause they're all fuckin idiots. Shite crosses are shite crosses no matter whit striker's they're aimed at, ya fuckin dicks.
England got beat after playing very well. Balotelli scored the winner. It was mega cute. I enjoyed this match for numerous reasons. Most of them based in Englands defeat, aw the shite Rooney got after is despite setting up their goal and daein an ok job on the wing (not his position btw, in case that has escaped yer attention) and the fact that Balotelli ran across the England bench and slapped every single one of them in one motion. Beautiful.
Ivory Coat beat Japan anaw. This is the only game I've missed the entirety of cause I had no fuckin idea it was happening, and stayed up gettin steamin and scudded mercilessly at WWE 2k14 aff ma pal. If you want my reflections on that, I'd have tae say it was fuckin shite. The one match I done awrite in (a 30 minute Iron Man match) I got the score tae 6-6 wae 2 minutes left, and he made it 7-6 wae a fuckin leg sweep. So I put the control pad down, shat on my bedroom floor, and sweared 'I fuckin hate you ya wee prick' on ma wall in fecal matter. I don't handle defeat well mate.
Costa Rica pumped Uruguay 3-1 anaw, after going in a goal down at half-time, in a result that could be described as a "Turn up for the books!" for those who enjoy a cliche.
Day Four
France and Honduras was quite the affair guys. A commentator got really confused by a lot of simple shit. Like the goal line technology system, which everycunt knows is fullproof and the ref gets told instantly if its a goal or no. He awards the goal, and yer Johnny Pearce is gien it patter like the gates of hell will open and swallow us all if we don't share his high pitched confusion about it RIGHT NOW. Mate calm down, its just fitba. Karim Benzema scored a coupla anaw. One of them stoatin, and Honduras went fae the only team I gave a fuck about in the tournament (cause of Izaguirre, and him being one of the few Celtic players I can genuinely say I like these days) to my least favourite team by a mile. Bunch of shit kicking arseholes, Wilson Palacios in particular, who stood aw over Paul Pogba, and had the audacity tae collapse like he took a sniper bullet tae the temple when Pogba gave him a wee bit back. Fuck you, and fuck that patter.
Another game which included events and stuff was the one between Switzerland and Eduador . One of these events was a goal wae the last kick of the ball to secure the win for Switzerland, from HAris Seferovic. A man who I know well from papping him out on loan a lot when I had a really nifty Fiorentina team in the last FIFA. I watched that game in a pub wae my Da on Da Day, and I have to say we both thought it was "awrite" and our shared memories from it will lead to many heartfelt reflections in years to come. Like when I go "Mind that game?" and he goes "Nah" Cause he's auld and forgetful. Haha. Life!
The other game on day four pitted Argentina and Bosnia, and it was surprisingly braw. Bosnia are a plucky squad and more than matched yer Argies in the first half despite going in a goal down, but after gettin slagged daft at half time by Lennon and some other pundit wanks, Messi scored a beauty of an individual goal tae seemingly put the game beyond the Bosnians, only for a lovely finish fae Ibisevic tae get them back intae it. Squeaky bum time for various Argentenians, but they survived thanks to intestinal fortitude, character and not conceding another goal. Mainly the last thing.
Overall the first few days of the World Cup were indeed exciting. As much as I've enjoyed a major tournament since the 2002 World Cup. Hunners of goals. Hunners of enthusiasm. Hunners of fuckin fitba ma man.
Excellent.
No comments:
Post a Comment